We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
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After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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