I can tuck mytits in my pants
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
what is it with giant penises always finding me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize