Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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