I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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