Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
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And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
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and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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