I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
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i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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