we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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