I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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