There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
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Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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