My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
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Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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