I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize