Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.

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(443): Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check. http://tfl.nu/gtrd

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.

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(336): I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort. http://tfl.nu/myrl

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(732): View more from New Jersey

why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

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(732): why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon? (1-732): shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work http://tfl.nu/tkf9

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(313): View more from Michigan

Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.

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(313): Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career. http://tfl.nu/jur5

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?

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(920): Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas? http://tfl.nu/uhrx

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(618): View more from Illinois

Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.

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(618): Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually. http://tfl.nu/s8ua

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(440): View more from Ohio

i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms

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(440): i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms http://tfl.nu/a43l

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(559): View more from California

It was like die hard. Except with more penises.

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(559): It was like die hard. Except with more penises. http://tfl.nu/fa39

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.

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(504): Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch. http://tfl.nu/bzb1

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(702): View more from Nevada

I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.

(712): View more from Iowa

What's an angry pirate?

(702): View more from Nevada

You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.

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(702): I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again. (712): What's an angry pirate? (702): You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever. http://tfl.nu/pzvl

Replies (31) Good night (1029) Bad night (1469)
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(567): View more from Ohio

Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.

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(567): Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger. http://tfl.nu/4mv9

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(989): View more from Michigan

I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....

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(989): I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants.... http://tfl.nu/17h8

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie

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(717): Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie http://tfl.nu/cc1l

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(312): View more from Illinois

I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.

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(312): I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men. http://tfl.nu/h4bo

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(619): View more from California

Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?

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(619): Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out? http://tfl.nu/ne0t

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