Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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