Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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