I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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