I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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