You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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