pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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