he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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