I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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