dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize