I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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