call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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