And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
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I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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