so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
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I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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