Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize