Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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