i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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