Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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