Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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