the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
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My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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