It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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