It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize