its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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