I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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