either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize