did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
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We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
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It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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