no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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