this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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