just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize