I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
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