it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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