Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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