Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize