How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
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man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
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As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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