it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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