I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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