he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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