i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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