im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize